Differences of Opinion: When Speed Shows & Class Tells

My “Granny” used to have one rule of living that she tried to instill in all her children and grandchildren and that was: “There’s absolutely no point in discussing religion or politics with anyone as no minds will be changed in the process.” She was also of the opinion that those discussions could destroy friendships, potential friendships and create huge problems among neighbors.

The logic – or common sense of her admonitions – may or may not be wise advice today as there’s far more hot topic issues in the discussion pot. The part that is true is “no minds will be changed in the process.” How many times have you found yourself on opposite sides of the fence with another and changed an outlook or an opinion? The best most of us can declare is “rarely.”

Another part of the equasion is there are far more in-depth subjects in the course of daily living as we know it today than there were in Granny’s time. Granny never pondered on child abuse, deviate sexuality, a liberal press or the Constitution of the United States. Child abuse and deviate sexuality issues had definite and defined penalties so that wasn’t on her list of things to worry about. The Constitution of the United States was the law of the land and accepted as gospel by most so that also wasn’t anything she felt compelled to ponder on. She lived in a time of things that definitely were and things that definitely weren’t.

In a world of instant communication, extensive press coverage, liberal attitudes and minute-by-minute change; those of us on this old planet today are living in a far different and changing world. Does that change the complexion of those things we should discuss or pass on? From that point forward the decision comes down to each individual.

(1) How important is the subject to each individual?

(2) What’s to be gained by having the conversation (or debate) in the first place?

(3) Will both sides come away from the discussion with greater knowledge?

(4) Is the opposing side a logical, intelligent, reasonable adversary?

(5) Is the topic a hot button issue which obviously will lead to anger from one or both parties?

(6) Is one’s adversary a friend or a stranger and is a treasured relationship at stake by indulging in debate in the first place?

(7) What is to be gained by “knocking heads” in the long run?

If age doesn't come into play...common sense should

The soul searching mechanism regarding debating a subject with another can go on forever – and every reason for/against would be valid. When engaging in hot topic discussion the chances of debate escalating into anger and unkind words is more than possible and in fact probable.

When very young, I was told on more than one occasion “You’d charge hell with a bucket of ice water,” and I fear that was true -- in fact kind of considered it a badge of honor. My parrot mouth more than once overloaded my alligator butt and I lost friends BUT I had an opinion on everything and never hesitated to expound on them or wade into an argument/debate that had no bearing on me personally whatsoever. Age changes a lot of that but does not annihilate having an opinion as that’s bottom line human nature.

Living many years does put a bit more intelligence into the “speaking up” part of one’s life but is not a guarantee of good judgment. Age helps us take a gentler, more logical approach to stating an opinion and the occasion in which to do it but there’s no guarantee the other side is going to do the same.

Freedom of speech/opinion is a right in the United States and I intend to be a voice in protecting that right ‘til death do us part. Does that right give any of us permission to turn a difference of opinion/debate into a personal attack on one another. As a matter of fact, it does!

So what is the mechanism that comes into play when personal attacks happen -- when the discussion has evolved to name calling and accusations? One of the parties must bow out and withdraw on the basis of intelligence, common sense, timing and CLASS. One has to recognize when the other side of any discussion/debate is never, under any circumstances going to be swayed or even consider an opposite opinion. If tunnel vision is present in one or either parties the conversation is useless and only destructive.

Destructive conversation is rarely or never worthwhile but simply a clash of wills. It signals a time to pack up one’s ideas and go away as there’s no longer anything to be gained by any participant involved. “Class” comes into play with the withdrawal of one party rather than indulging in name calling, ugly exchanges or accusations. Unfortunately, the one who chooses "class" over "the last word" is often judged cowardly, has an inability to support one’s views due to lack of intelligence or timidity and runs away when the going gets tough -- which is rarely true.

Many people, upon discovering they've waded into a conversation that can go nowhere withdraw as they really don't give enough of a damn about the subject involved to continue and mark it in their do/don't book not to do that again. Withdrawal in the face of argument (rather than discussion) with no end and flaring tempers is not cowardice -- it's good judgment and common sense.

Granny imparted a lot of advice to her children/grandchildren which is as true today as it was then – as limited as her small world was. One of her best was “speed shows and class tells.” As a young woman I chose the first – “speed” – however, with age I’ve chosen the latter – “class.” I equate that with one of my own rules for living successfully in this old world. I’ll continue to speak up when the subject’s important enough to support and the opposing side is interested in an exchange of ideas on a civil basis. I’m not going to be a part of classless name calling and rude behavior.

It’s a fact: There’s no damned sense in arguing with a stump!

AngelaBlair©2012 All Rights Reserved.